You want the aesthetic. You don’t want the back pain. We get it. Plants are needy, and you have Netflix to watch. However, according to ScienceDirect, looking at plants actually reduces stress.
So, here is how to fake a green thumb without ruining your vibe.
1. The 'Set It And Forget It'
Watering every day? Who has the time? Stop killing your plants with thirst. Buy terracotta spikes. You fill a bottle, stick it in the dirt, and the plant drinks via capillary action only when it’s thirsty. It’s basically an IV drip for your basil.
2. The 'Yeet' Method
Digging holes is cardio. We don’t do that here. Get a wildflower mix. Literally just throw the seeds on the dirt. Water them once. Walk away. Native wildflowers are actually (support local pollinators) better than fancy roses anyway.
3. Portable Dirt (Grow Bags)
Digging up your backyard is hard work. Fabric grow bags are the cheat code. Pop them open. Fill with soil. Plant stuff. Don’t like where it is? Pick it up and move it. The fabric lets roots breathe (called ‘air pruning’), which prevents them from getting root-bound.
4. The Tool That Does Everything
Stop carrying ten different tools. You are not a construction worker. Get a Hori Hori knife. It digs, it cuts, it weeds, it measures. One tool to rule them all. Ideally, you use this while sitting down.
5. The Hose That Shrinks
Coiling a heavy rubber hose is a wrestling match you will lose. Get an expandable hose. It shrinks when the water is off. It fits in a tiny bucket. It weighs nothing. Finally, watering the lawn doesn’t feel like a CrossFit workout.
